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• "When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty." — Norm Crosby

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• "If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?" - Scott Adams

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• "I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia." - Woody Allen

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• "Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories." - John Wilmot

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• "We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true." - Robert Wilensky

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• "I’ve gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her." - New York City detective

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• "Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much." - Oscar Wilde

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• "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands but seeing with new eyes." - Marcel Proust

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• "Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it." - Cullen Hightower

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• "All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it." - H. L. Mencken

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• "I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis

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• "Just the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown." - Carl Sagan

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• "Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

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• "You can do anything, but not everything." - David Allen

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• "Candy-stripe a cancer ward. It's not my problem." - Marla Singer (Helena Bonham Carter) in 'Fight Club'